The Mountain of Misery

Only two more days until the transplant. Chemotherapy ended yesterday, but the side effects are only beginning.  Ian is making his way up misery mountain. Nausea has kicked in full power. He's having a hard time eating, and an even harder time keeping food down. I've stocked the guest freezer with popsicles from Whole Foods (thanks Sunol for the gift card!) and am hoping he will be able to stomach a new genre - Greek yogurt fruit pops for the extra protein power :)


These are the more hazy, queasy days that go sort of slow, where we more consciously must put one foot in front of the other.  It took a lot of inner reserve to start out, but Ian walked 6 laps this morning!  I walked beside him holding the pink plastic puke bucket, just in case.  It feels so good to be here with him. I am infinitely thankful for my parents who have temporarily moved into our apartment and are holding down the fort with our girls. What a blessing!


Here is a little synopsis of what to expect the next couple weeks. The doctor drew a "misery over time" chart and we have barely begun the ascent. Here is the chart:

Day zero (0) is coming this Wednesday, February 6th - the actual bone marrow transplant. There is a foreboding spike that day, because often there is a shock to the system as it receives this reboot of foreign stem cells. Especially when it is of a different blood type- which is the case here with Ian's brother. Not a big deal, they say, but he could have the shakes and other unpleasant manifestations. I'm trying not to think about that.  One day at a time. As his blood levels drop from the chemo, they expect him to experience increasing weakness, nausea, and a number of other side effects like mouth sores, sore throat, and intestinal discomforts.  Although none of this is fun, it is reassuring to know these are normal and should improve once his new immune system starts producing enough blood cells.

Somewhere around Day 7 (February 13th) they expect Ian to reach the peak of misery mountain. Hmmm... Just in time for Valentine's Day.  Honestly, I feel like every day is Valentine's Day around here. I've never felt more love and gratitude for this amazing man. He is a gem. He is so full of love, and so truly lovable. Even in his misery, he is thankful and joyful and makes the nurses laugh. I'm so grateful for every day, for every moment that he feels well enough to take my hand, listen to my heart, and make his silly jokes!

I am always impressed by how things can seem so terrifying from a distance, but once we are in the midst of them there is this amazing grace that carries us through.  Your prayers and words of encouragement are priceless. Ian received a couple texts recently that were deeply fortifying.   Please feel free to send messages any time to Ian via phone, text, email, or snail mail.  He may not be able to respond immediately, but I promise it will brighten his day. He hangs on these words of encouragement, especially during the low times like now.  I have written many of them down for him to remember again and again.

Thank you to each of you who have supported us in so many ways. I'm humbled and awe struck! This could be such a stressful time, but I feel deep peace and assurance knowing that all is taken care of and will be taken care of. With the strength God provides, we will climb this mountain and all the mountains ahead, one step at a time. And I know at the end of this trek we will stand amazed and thankful for all the Love and Beauty we would have missed otherwise.